As we enter the final month of the year, we may find ourselves gathering with colleagues, friends, and family to celebrate the year’s end and the holiday season.

Gathering or, more specifically, entering more fully into connection with others, is an underlying theme this month at the Institute. Our webinars, LinkedIn Live, and book club events address topics of self-actualization, decision making, and impact. At face value, these topics may seem individualistic – after all, they are issues that are hidden from view, buried deep inside the separate and independent self. Believing that one must deal with these issues alone may create paralyzing feelings of isolation. But a deeper look reveals that these challenges relate to our interdependence – our development as humans is always interwoven with authentic connection to others. More importantly, it is within a space of empathic connection that the work of deep personal growth can happen.

As a coach, how would you rate your connection with the people you coach? Are they growth-fostering relationships? According to Relational-Cultural Theory, in a growth-fostering relationship both people are open to being influenced and changed by the other (Jordan, 2017). In this paradigm, coaches do not simply impose change on the person being coached; rather, coaches engage in a power-balanced partnership characterized by mutuality.

As Judith Jordan explains, “mutual relationships are not necessarily totally symmetrical or equal, but there is a mutual investment in the well-being of each other and of the relationship” (2017, p. 235). One essential element is empathy--being in an experience together where each is moved by the other. With mutual empathy, both parties feel that they matter, that they have impact on each other.

How do you know if your relationships are mutual? They lead to five good things:

1. Zest – energy, vitality
2. Creativity – increased sense of ability to act
3. Worth – greater sense of self worth
4. Clarity - more accurate self-awareness
5. Desire for more connections

And there is more good news. Periods of disconnection are normal, and reparations can strengthen and deepen relationships. Misunderstandings and inattentiveness may create acute periods of disconnection that are unavoidable, but they also signal that something in the relationship needs attention. What matters most is how we respond – that we address the dynamic in a way that communicates how much the other person matters. Repairing disconnection leads to a more resilient relationship.

The bottom line: we grow and flourish in connection and gathering together during the holidays provides an opportunity to celebrate both. We at the IOC wish you and your loved ones a healthy, relaxing and joyous holiday season.

Reference:

Jordan, J. V. (2017). Relational–cultural theory: The power of connection to transform our lives. The Journal of Humanistic Counseling, 56(3), 228-243. https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1002/johc.12055